you could go back and un-meet someone?
How different would life be? How different would you be?
I wish it too. All the time. I want a damn do-over.
has always been my biggest flaw. Which probably explains the fluctuating level of activity on my tumblr. And a similar pattern across all aspects of my life. Idk I’m moody
feels like I am constantly running with a dark, swirling storm cloud chasing after me. I can’t slow down and I can’t pause otherwise it will swallow me whole into its mass of apprehension and fear. I have to stay busy, stay ahead. Drugs don’t solve the problem, they are only a temporary shelter.
Must keep running.
Seriously though. No motivation or energy or drive or passion or anything whatsoever.
But I managed to get everything done.
I see a vision of myself a month or two from now, strong and confident: the person I always wanted to be.
I can do this. Must not use. Must not succumb.
Would be so much easier if I could just turn off all of the thoughts in my head.
I see now why they call addiction a disease. It takes over and completely controls your every thought/action/motive. You don’t have a choice.
So are we predisposed to this? Or is it a disease we bring upon ourselves. If it’s the latter, I’d like to give a huge fuck you to the “old me” of six years ago.
You got me in this mess but I’m getting me out.
I keep feeling like I’m going to puke everything I manage to down.
I made a list of 3 productive things to get done today and it is taking every ounce of my strength to “slowly” accomplish them.
I look ugly and feel fat
Anxiety is wrapping its grubby little fingers around my throat and squeezing until I can no longer breathe. Which is giving me more anxiety.
All of the bad things I’ve ever thought/felt are replaying over and over in my head like a bad tape recording.
I keep sweating hot, sweating cold, just really uncomfortable in my own skin.
Lying down watching tv is too boring.
Moving around and being active is too much work.
Can I rewind to before I ever had a problem to begin with?
Everyone needs a little love